After writing and completing the first draft for "The Babysitter", I was able to have the director of the short films (Drew Brockbank) to take a look and get his opinion of the draft. This meant I was able to get notes from the directors point of view and make any changes that he feels necessary to the plot or dialogue etc. I made sure he had a printed copy for him to write and annotate his notes over the script, this helps me see which parts work and which don't, these were either certain parts that just didn't work, or changes he thought would benefit the script and the shooting of the production.
I wanted the director to be one of the first crew members and people to see it, so we can build on it and both see and understand the development throughout, giving us both a better understanding of characters and tone, for him when he's on set directing and me when I continue to write the next shorts. Along with changes and notes on the script, were also notes of what he liked and wanted to keep in the script, this is good to see as it reassures that you're working in the right direction and also it maybe something that can be used again throughout the scripts. One of Drew's first notes was for the first page and that the dialogue between the parents and Rebecca needs to be shorter. This would help keep it tighter and shorter for the final film, unnecessary rambling or dialogue can distract and bore audiences.
Drew also had an idea for a shot which would include seeing the number for the restaurant on the fridge door, this would help lose a few lines of dialogue and instead of telling the audience, we'd just be showing them. The biggest note that was given was to rewrite the character of Reggie Reynolds to not be a loud quick talking radio host, but to be more of a Twilight Zone/Tales of the Crypt type show, telling spooky stories of what is happening. At first I was very much skeptical of the change and wasn't sure about the fit, but the more I thought about it and once I started writing, I found a good rhythm and tone for the radio host to have, and added the element of having the stories rhyme, giving it more of a storytelling factor. Many of the little notes were just moving words around or switching them for something more suitable. After going over the first draft I was ready to make the changes from the notes and did as so. I quickly made the changes and tighten the script and making it shorter. After completing the second draft I will be able to show the producer and director the changes, and have them look over and suggest any changes and then we will be showing the tutors, for their opinion on the script and notes they have which we can make for the third draft. Hopefully the more notes we get, the more professional and more quality the final shooting script will be.
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