After the second draft was completed, myself, Drew and John were comfortable with the changes and applied them to the third draft. The third draft was rewritten from all the notes given by Drew (Director) and John (Producer), it fixed certain aspects of the characters and tone to fit in overall with the story, it also mended little words here and there that didn't quite work or feel suitable in the sentence. I was also able to build the third draft around notes given by Di (Tutor) on the second draft. She was able to take a look and point out aspects that didn't work story wise, structure wise or suitable for the script writing format. The first issues she had with the script was the first page, and making it shorter, dialogue wise between the babysitter and the parents. She marked out words and sentences that didn't need to be there and it helped point out where cuts could be made to reduce time in the script.
She also pointed out certain words that didn't necessarily fulfill their purpose and get across exactly what has happening, such as changing 'Concerned' to 'Bemused' giving the character a more realistic reaction and telling the reader exactly how she's feeling. There was also changes to be made which were inconsistencies in the script, an example is at the beginning where the mother tells the babysitter to grab a snack, and later she claims there is nothing to eat. This can be easily fixed with changing a few words around, or having her grab something else like a drink. The biggest issue Di had with the script was the timeline, the timeline is very inconsistent and has not given enough time for certain acts to take part, so this is an issue to look over and mend for the next draft. This will be done by either making more time during the cuts and making it seem like more time has passed, or adjusting parts of the story to work within the timeline. There are certain plot points we want such as when the babysitter calls the restaurant, we don't want the parents there to answer, so enough time needs to have passed for them to have had a meal and left. I've also changed visual parts of the ending as Di thought the babysitter been killed would be too much, and that the children are the real victims, so we've worked round having the killer back in the house. A change Di suggested which we disagree with is removing Rebecca's name from the last interaction between her and the killer, she doesn't understand how the killer would know her name and that it feels out of place. We like the idea of having the killer say her name, so we're going to try and make it easier for the reader and audience to understand why he would know her name, and provide a logical reason why he would.
The third draft has been completed and these changes have all been applied to the current draft, and sent off the the director and producer.
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